2cross2affliction's stories

Mon 17 Jun 2019 - 20:21

gidget-5c746a080706b-1.jpgLook, the best joke in the first Secret Life of Pets is that if you do the trendy thing of acronym-ing it's title, it becomes SLoP, which is funny because it's true.

Honestly, I can't even say I remember the first movie very well. I did see it. I mostly recall that I didn't really like it that much. So, as you can probably deduce, I wasn't entirely looking forward to the sequel. The trailers also prominently featured coprophagia, so that wasn't helping anything.

But about those trailers— if you take out the inter-titles and the music, you just watched that scene in the movie. That's exactly how it's cut in the movie. All of the trailers are like that. They're just scenes from the movie. The movie is cut like a trailer.

And the weirdest thing about this movie is that, somehow, despite being just scenes from the movie, this is a case of bad trailers being way worse than the actual movie. This is a very weird movie.

Mon 20 May 2019 - 11:19

No well-reviewed film adaptation of a video game has ever achieved a combined positive review score of 60%, the threshold needed to count as "fresh" on Rotten Tomatoes. Until now.

With 158 of 242 reviews from professional movie critics at least somewhat positive, the first live action Pokémon movie, Detective Pikachu, has managed to squeak into the "good" side of the Tomato-meter with a score of 65%. Its average critical rating is lower, at 5.97 out of 10 - not every critic assigns a movie rating. However, its Audience Rating is much higher at 83%! (Although the Audience Score is notoriously vulnerable to "review bombing", Detective Pikachu was never likely to be deliberately targeted.)

Fri 10 May 2019 - 19:00

endgamerocket.jpg"Oh, I'm definitely putting copyrighted Avengers music in this."
- Ceeday, "Heres The MF Endgame"

"I am Iron Man."
- Black Sabbath, "Iron Man"

As I'm writing this, Avengers: Endgame has made $2,272,706,419 in theaters around the world, according to Box Office Mojo, making it currently the second highest grossing movie in cinematic history, with the number one spot well within it's sights. It only has approximately half a million dollars to go to take that spot, and that's a lot of money, but it's been out only one full week.

Whether it ends it's theatrical run first or second, one thing is certain. A review on a small news-site (with readers in the high double digits!) catering to a niche demographic will not be the deciding factor. There is no world where I write a rave review that sends everyone back to the theater, nor is there a world where I so utterly critically destroy this movie that theaters empty like, well, like what happened at the end of the last Avengers movie. Of course, the real reason to review this movie is because I reviewed the last one, and I reviewed that one because it's got a talking raccoon in it, and the coming possibility that the biggest movie ever might soon feature an anthro character is something that should be noted on a furry site.

SPOILER ALERT: The Russo brothers say I can spoil the movie now, but don't worry, I won't. However, if you haven't seen Avengers: Infinity War and want to see it unspoiled, hold off on hitting read more.

Wed 1 May 2019 - 20:27

Fun fact: no movie directly adapted from a video game has ever scored as "fresh" on the review aggregate site Rotten Tomatoes. Oh, there have been movies about video games that have reached the "fresh" side of the Tomato-meter. And we may have a soft place in our heart for, say, the oeuvre of Paul W.S. Anderson, but most of us will admit 46% for Mortal Kombat is probably fair, if a bit harsh. The point is, unless Detective Pikachu somehow lives up to the surprisingly positive amount of hype it's gotten, there may not be a "fresh" video game adaptation for a while yet.

But, a new challenger approaches! Starring James Marsden and Jim Carrey (as Dr. Robotnik), Sonic the Hedgehog, an adaptation of the classic series of Sega games, will hit theaters November 8 of this year. The newly released trailer is below.

Update 5/2: The director of the movie has Tweeted that the design for the titular character will, in fact, be changed before the final movie is released. Also, while we're here, quick correction; 2018's Rampage did garner a score of 52% on RottenTomatoes, and the article has been edited to more accurately reflect this. This has also caused the movie to be delayed until February 14, 2020.
Update 11/12: New trailer with new design has dropped.

Wed 16 Jan 2019 - 20:32

2018 in movies

I managed to keep the number of superhero movies way down from last year, just one instead of five, and that's only because there was a late entrant.

Tue 1 Jan 2019 - 13:08

spidermanintothespiderverse.jpgPerhaps it was me, but I sensed a smidgen of negativity towards my review of Avengers: Infinity War. Like, just featuring Rocket Raccoon on the poster (he's in there somewhere, I'm sure) just wasn't enough for some of you. To be fair, if Infinity War ends up winning the Ursa Major Award for Best Anthropomorphic Motion Picture, as billion dollar box office blockbusters from Disney are known to do, well, that would be both bad and also probably completely my fault, so preemptive apologies if it does!

Now I'm reviewing another Marvel movie with a supporting character who's totally furry, but that's about it. In this case, it's Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse and that character is Peter Porker, the Spectacular Spider-Ham (voiced by John Mulaney), an anthropomorphic spider (bitten by a radioactive pig, see). On one hand, despite being a part of a much larger cast, I feel Rocket got a slightly bigger role in his movie. He has his own subplot with a bit of an arc to it, while Peter Porker is basically just another member of the team; the movie's focus is on other teammates.

On the other hand, Spider-Ham is part of a much smaller ensemble, so though his role is smaller, his screentime is bigger, and though the movie focuses more on the three versions of Spider-Man that are the most "normal" (Miles Morales, Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy) rather than the "gimmicky" characters (Spider-Man Noir, Peni Parker and Spider-Ham), Spider-Ham gets the most attention of that trio, being the last of the three to leave and the one who gets the stand-out action beat (as well as being just a scene-stealer in general).

And on the gripping hand, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is just a way better movie than Avengers: Infinity War.

Sun 23 Dec 2018 - 22:19

ssbultimate.jpg

Like the Pokémon games, the Super Smash Bros. series has had many releases, adding a few bells and whistles as well as a handful of new characters every console generation or so. Also like the Pokémon games, the new releases have a solid enough base that they're still almost always worth checking out. And also also like the Pokémon games, the Super Smash Bros. series has Pokémon in it.

Tue 13 Nov 2018 - 21:17

Detective Pikachu will be hitting theaters May 10 of next year. Hopefully, Pikachu talking goes down a little better with the fans this time.

Thu 27 Sep 2018 - 08:21

fortnite_0.jpg

Season 6 of the popular "Battle Royale" shooter Fortnite is launching September 25, this Thursday, and for the second season in a row, the first teaser image released by Epic Games features a new character wearing an animal mask, in this case, a Deadmau5-esque DJ wearing a llama mask, after the Season 5 teaser featured a kabuki-inspired fox mask teaser.

The next Season 6 teaser image featured a cowgirl (the "Wild West" type of cowgirl, not the furry type, unfortunately), but it wasn't until the third and final teaser image, that things got really furry with an apparent werewolf character featured, seen above.

Update: The llama DJ is named DJ Yonder and is the tier 1 reward for the Season 6 Battle Pass; the werewolf is named Dire and is the tier 100 reward, and features further unlockable styles (he is unlocked as a human but most players will already have enough experience points reaching tier 100 to unlock his werewolf form when he is unlocked). Season 6 is also introducing Pets that players can carry on their back to the game; a dog, chameleon and baby dragon will all be unlockable in the pass.

Wed 25 Jul 2018 - 11:18

spielbergcats.jpgA movie version of the stage musical Cats has been partially cast. Actors announced include Jennifer Hudson, Ian McKellen, James Corden and Taylor Swift. The movie will be directed by Tom Hooper. No announcement has been made on how the cats of the movie will be represented, as in as CGI special effects or the iconic pseudo-fursuits of the stage musical. Anouncements have said the movie will begin "shooting" in November, suggesting the movie will be live action.

The only actor to be connected to a character is Hudson, who will be playing the part of Grizabella, meaning she will be singing the song standard “Memory” for the movie. Some outlets have reported that McKellan will play the part of Old Deuteronomy, but this seems safe speculation rather than confirmation (there has been humorous speculation as to what part Swift will play, though no one seems to care much who Corden will play).