Feral Attraction

Hello Everyone!

On tonight's show we open with a discussion about what happens when a sex-positive comic goes, perhaps, a bit sex-negative. We discuss anecdotal reactions to fursuiting sex, Metriko mispronounced Dr. Nuka's IRL name (sorry about that), and we discuss how furries and non-furs view pornographic material within the fandom. Watch that space.

Our main topic is on how to find a mate. Last week we discussed how to be Single and Happy. This week, we address the idea that not everyone wants to be single. We go over what you should do for yourself, various resources that exist for dating within the fandom, and how to keep your head up in the face of rejection.

We close out with a question on whether you should look up a date's social media on the internet before meeting them before the first time. Could this be our first disagreement?

Please note that this episode does have slightly different audio quality due to a cross-country move and setting up new studios. We are working on improvements and ensuring that Metriko's whistling s's don't kill your eardrums in the future, and we appreciate your patience and hope you enjoy the episode nonetheless!

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, Be Well!

Hello Everyone!

On tonight's show we talk about how gender-stereotypical genes might play a large role in your attraction towards others in life. Viro talks about a recent study that might show how the stereotypes of gender affect interpersonal attraction. We also point out the problem areas in the study and why this is not yet a universal truth.

Our main topic is on how to be single and happy. For some, it can be difficult to attain both at the same time. We discuss ways and methods you can employ to achieve both without ignoring the fact that you are, in fact, not currently in a relationship. A lot of the methods can play a part even when you are in a relationship, especially if your partner(s) are long distance or prone to travelling often.

Our question this week is on how to handle your feelings of affection, romance, and sexual desire toward a roommate that may not be reciprocated. If you have had sex before you moved into an apartment with someone as a roommate, how do you handle a potential cooling off that might occur.

We have feedback on sounding advice and why, perhaps, our sound advice was a bit unsound. Confused? Sir Arcane, co-host of A Hairy Prone Companion and the President of the Lansing Pups and Handlers, takes us to school. 

We also would like to remind everyone to check out our appearance on the Alter Ego podcast. We talk with Athena, the host of the show, about fursonas, why we're furries, and what the fandom means to us. It's a great show and you should give it a listen.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

On tonight's show we open with a discussion on how women who are cheated on might win in the long run. While some might say the true victory is not being hitched with a cheating asshole, is it possible that the long-term effects of being cheated on might outweigh the short-term pain?

Our main topic is on resilience. Resilience is the quality to recover quickly from periods of difficulty and strain in your life, and it is a tool that many people lack as it is not innate but learned. Unfortunately, too many people equate resilience with being overly stoic, where you adopt a poker face and never have moments of vulnerability or weakness. In much the same way that bravery is standing in moments of fear, resilience is standing in moments of weakness. We discuss how to become more resilient, the benefits of resiliency, and why all of this is important for your relationships. 

We move on to a listener question on the friend zone. How can you stop being the best friend and become the boyfriend? (Spoiler: the friend zone is a myth). We discuss ways that you can exert your emotional bandwidth and employ direct, sensible communication. We also trash pick up artists a bit and make fun of negging.  

We close out the show with some feedback on whether or not the show should have opposing viewpoints and whether or not we, as hosts, exist in an echo chamber that is howling into the faceless void.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

We open our show with our Anthrocon interview with Nuka, from the International Anthropomorphic Research Program. It's about 25 minutes long and super fascinating and touches on topics ranging from Gender, Sexuality, and Relationships in the furry fandom. If you would like to read a transcript, please refer to our Transcript in our Advice Column. Thanks again, Nuka, and we look forward to your upcoming papers!

Our main topic is on Body Image and Self-Love. This can be an incredibly difficult area for a lot of people, especially furries. We get told that we are either too thin, too fat, too muscular, or in some cases too short or tall to take seriously. While furry has been able to fetishize a lot of what makes us different and our bodies unique, when it comes to interactions in person there can be a lot of self-consciousness about how we look. 

A lot of people find they are not their 'ideal' body size, and for some they struggle to change this. As a podcast with someone who is chubby, someone who was once chubby, and someone who has been told is too thin, we wanted to express how you can love yourself regardless of the size. We go into the health side, the mental side, and ways you can work to lose weight, gain weight, and stand tall when people make fun of you for your size. 

As always, we are not medical professionals and, before embarking on a health adventure, take the time to consult a doctor to ensure your plan will be sustainable for you. Also, you're amazing, no matter your size, shape, or anything else. 

We close out the show with a question on pet play, polyamory, and the renegotiation period in a D/s relationship. What can a pup do when they struggle with jealousy?

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

We open tonight's episode with a discussion about the Pope. Why does everyone seem to like this Pope, and what exactly did he mean when he told reporters that Christians should apologize? We rely on Viro, our resident recovering Catholic, to break the secret code and tell us why we should care, or if this is just false hope from the Pope!

Our main topic is on how to Live For Yourself. Really, though, this episode is about the power of telling other people to fuck off. As you can imagine, this episode contains adult language, so enjoy. 

We discuss various strategies you can employ to ensure that people stop having control over your life and, really, why should you care what that stranger on the bus thinks about you? We talk science, philosophy, and butts on this exciting, casual episode of self-empowerment and profanity!

Our listener question for the week is about whether you can be polyamorous but only want to have sexual contact with your primary. We talk a bit about non sexual significant others and what that can mean for you! 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

We open tonight's show with a discussion of whether BDSM power exchange relationships are valid or are simply a sign of mental illness. We reference some of our own advice columns in this discussion, as well as a discussion that took place on Twitter in which we were attacked for our position on this matter. 

This was a personal topic for us on the show, as Metriko has been in several relationships centered around D/s, and Viro and Koji are in a long-term committed relationship with heavy D/s mechanics negotiated and in play. We discuss the situation in depth, what we can glean from it, and how to discuss relationship styles you may not agree with. 

Our main topic is on our own personal take on D/s relationships: How do we personally identify in the D/s scheme of things, and what do we find works and does not work for long-term happiness. We also address some stray questions and offer some clarifications on topics or terms we might have glossed over previously in this month.

We close out the show with a listener question that asks whether you can be in a successful bisexual polyamorous relationship. The questioner identifies as pansexual and genderblind, and is doubtful as to whether or not this type of arrangement would be successful for them. This is also our first question via audio recording, so that's pretty awesome too!

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

We open tonight's show with a discussion about what virtual sex might be in the future. Is it possible that the furry fandom might be getting how to roleplay right, or are we doomed to yiff in cyber hell for eternity?

Our main topic is on how to translate online kinks (or kinky fantasies) into real life activity and play. Many furries struggle with finding a healthy balance between play and pretend, and while having fantasies is both incredibly healthy and normal, sometimes it can be difficult to incorporate your kinky fantasies into your everyday sex life.

How can you differentiate between a realistic and unrealistic kink, how can you adapt the more unrealistic kinks (like vore, macro/micro, and inflation), and how can you back away from a kink you mentally enjoy but are turned off by in meatspace?

We close out the show with a listener question about how to handle an odd predicament in their D/s relationship. They have a pet who also has a pet who also happens to be the listener's Master. Confused? So are they, and they want to know if this is acceptable, how to proceed in an ethical fashion, and if this makes them poly. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

We open tonight's show with a discussion of a hotel owner who spied on his tenants for over thirty years. He recorded information concerning their sexual activity, sent this to someone who wrote for the New Yorker as "research data," and slowly grew more and more cynical toward those he was spying on. Was he a sex researcher or was he an unethical voyeur? (Spoiler, he was an unethical voyeur)

Our main topic is on common roles that individuals take on while participating in BDSM. Last week we discussed negotiating a BDSM / power exchange relationship contract. Tonight we talk about the different roles that you might find yourself in, whether that is as a Dominant or a submissive. While this is not an exhaustive list and you might find yourself wearing multiple hats (or, perhaps in the case of BDSM, multiple hoods), this gives a good idea of what might interest you if you are looking to get into BDSM or a power exchange dynamic.

We close out with a question on how to bring up the topic of the furry fandom to a new partner who is not furry. What are some ways you can gauge their interest or views on the fandom without perhaps giving away the fact that you are a member? 

There is also some feedback on the usage of labels on the show. Is there a need to apply labels to everything, or is that just shoving people into a box that has preconceived notions and, perhaps, negative connotations? 

It's a show full of labels and laughs as we demystify the common roles in BDSM!

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone! 

We open tonight's show with a discussion of whether or not you should go on witch hunts to expose underaged furries. What potential ethical and legal issues might arise if you dox an underage fur, and what responsibility do you have when you discover an underaged fur is posting or consuming adult content? As always, we are not lawyers and this does not constitute legal advice!

Our main topic concerns how to negotiate power exchange relationships. What exactly is a power exchange dynamic, should you ever rush into one, what should your relationship terms look like, and what should you expect from each party in such a relationship?

We close out the episode with a question about how to negotiate with a monogamous partner when you are polyamorous and also in existing power exchange relationships. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone! 

We open tonight's show with a discussion of a recent scientific paper about what scientists currently know about sexual orientation and identity. It's a fairly long read (60+ pages), so we rely on Viro giving us a breakdown and going through the relevant portions. It's almost like Viro is a PhD Science Collie...

Our main topic is an introduction to kink, and, to a lesser extent, an introduction to Kink Month. We wanted to set the stage for the following episodes by going over commonly used terms and defining them — as we have said numerous times, it's important for everyone to be on the same page when discussing sexual activities. 

The furry fandom is enriched in media that portrays various kinks, whether that's artwork, stories, or even videos of fursuiters engaging in various forms of play. As perhaps the only fandom that exists without a pre-existing narrative or established universe, for many furries the sexual content is their primary focus and involvement. For other furries they would rather not acknowledge that this portion of the fandom exists. 

As a community, it's important to understand how to share our sexual interests in a way that is healthy and appropriate for the context and location the discussion is occurring in. As individuals, it's important for us to learn how to communicate our likes and dislikes to our sexual partners in order to meet everyone's wants and needs and to ensure that no boundaries are crossed without enthusiastic consent. We discuss this and how to be more open minded about kinks you had either previously never expressed interest in or believe yourself to not be interested in.

We then talk about some of the most common kinks in the furry fandom. This is in no way scientific (and we pulled our information from a brief f-list search), but it helps to show just how diverse and enriched the fandom is in kink. Resources like F-List are great for communicating your sexual kinks and enjoyments for online roleplay, but if you plan on taking your online play partners on in the real world, ensure that they know which kinks are for online enjoyment only and, perhaps, consider creating a separate profile that lists your real world kinks and fetishes as they apply. We also have a brief introduction on BDSM, which we will discuss in greater depth next week.

We close out the show with a question about someone who has "literal feral attraction". We discuss our impending lawsuit for violating our brand and also whether or not fantasies should become realities.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone,

On tonight's episode we open with a discussion of a scientific study that shows how HIV can prematurely age the cells in your body by 5 years, according to one measure. Viro puts his PhD to use and gives a breakdown of what that means.

Our main topic is social anxiety — what is social anxiety, is it healthy or unhealthy, and what are ways you can reduce its effects and treat it? We answer these questions as well as give examples from our own lives of how we have overcome severe social anxiety issues and learned to embrace our own shortcomings.

This episode closes out our mental health month and we hope that you have been able to learn valuable tools with which to improve yourself and, in turn, your relationships as a whole. Remember: If you can't love yourself how in the hell can you love somebody else? (Thanks RuPaul!)

We end with a question on how to tell someone in an open relationship that you are only interested in their partner. Viro gives examples from his own life and Metriko talks about what happens when you don't talk about these things (hint: it's bad). 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

On this week's podcast we open with a discussion on why you might be experiencing poor sleep when you are in a new environment. Is it just anxiety, excitement, or could it be a more primal, feral sensation that your brain is having?

Our main topic is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Cognitive Distortions. We discuss what the most common cognitive distortions are and how they can affect the way that you perceive the world, as well as interfere with your relationships. We then discuss ways that you can manage these distortions and find a path to a happier, healthier you. 

Cognitive Distortions are a serious issue, especially when you put them in play into a relationship. They allow for negative, self-sabotaging behavior to rear its ugly head and the collateral damage can be incredibly great. While we discuss common methods for coping and resolving these issues, we do want to stress that we are not licensed mental health experts; this podcast does not represent any form of consultation or diagnosis. If you have further questions or want to come up with an action plan for correcting behaviors we discuss in this show, seek help from a licensed professional that specializes in this area.

We close out the episode with a question about how to tell your long-term monogamous partner that you want to give polyamory a try. We talk about communication a lot in our answer.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

On this week's podcast we open with a discussion on Twitter lists that propagate libelous information. How should you handle a situation when someone is falsely accusing you of doing something potentially illegal?

Our main topic is gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone maliciously attempts to convince you that your perception of an event is false in order to manipulate you. This can take the form of calling you crazy, saying that you are wrong about something, or making you doubt your own memories. Oftentimes, this method is employed by people close to you, such as a partner, a parent, a teacher, or a boss.

If you are susceptible to these types of suggestions it can be incredibly damaging to your psyche. We discuss how to identify gaslighting and distinguish it from a genuine misunderstanding, then describe ways to defend yourself against gaslighting, including what to do when you realize that you are being gaslit. 

We also answer a listener question about how to tell a partner that you are in love with them, and how to challenge the gender norms that the man in a relationship has to be the first one to offer such a confession. What can a lesbian do?

We end with some feedback concerning our show and the bias that we, as hosts, have as (mostly) gay men. Are we intentionally excluding other genders or relationship styles when we offer advice?

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

We begin this week's podcast with a discussion on "ghosting" furry conventions: What exactly is ghosting, what are the ethics of con attendance, and who is ghosting really hurting (spoiler: everyone).

For our main topic this week, we kick off our Mental Health Month by talking about emotional blackmail. We here at Feral Attraction believe that emotional blackmail can be one of the most insidious poisons in a relationship, and as we have mentioned it in the past, we wanted to dedicate an entire episode to it.

Emotional blackmail can take many forms, and everyone is vulnerable to it — whether you are the child of a passive aggressive parent, or the dom in your D/s relationship. The good news is that there are warning signs of emotional blackmail that you can look out for, and ways to de-escalate and resolve these situations without them turning into a relationship cold war. 

We do discuss some topics relating to abuse and self-harm in this episode, so please be advised of this content. We also would like to reiterate that if you find yourself in an abusive relationship, please seek the appropriate level of care and assistance to get you safely out of that situation.

After our main topic, we take a listener question that is in response to our STI Prevention and Risk Mitigation episode, pertaining to anxiety after being informed of a partner's STI status. Though the asker understands the low risk associated with his partner's STI, he is still a bit nervous when it comes to having a full-blown sex life with his partner. What should he do?

Finally, we close the show with some feedback in which a listener shares resources that may be helpful to the non-monogamous community, focusing on one of our favorite books, More Than Two.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

This week we lead off with a discussion about a recent study showing that DNA may influence your sex life. Check out the Show Notes for a link to the study.

Our main topic is about communication. What different styles are there and what are the pros and cons of each? Healthy communication in a relationship is what nourishes the love that grows. Developing communication skills and habits can be incredibly difficult, especially if you grew up in an environment that did not foster such growth. We discuss all of this, as well as how to identify and avoid the pitfalls of communication styles and how to work with your partner to ensure that there are fewer misunderstandings in your relationship. 

We also have a listener question about what to do if you are involuntarily celibate. This can have a long-lasting impact on the health and well being of an individual and, for some, it is a real struggle. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

This week we lead off with a clip of our Second Opinion segment from Episode 495 of the Savage Lovecast, "Furries and Cheeseheads." Thanks again to Dan Savage and his producer Nancy Hartunian for the gracious invitation as well as granting permission to share the clip in full. 

Our main topic is about trust, which is all too often misunderstood. Trust is the other side of Integrity, and both serve as the foundation on which a relationship either stands firm or crumbles. We discuss what exactly trust is as well as how to develop and maintain trust in yourself and others. We also discuss how to handle breaches of trust and what you can do to recover trust once it has been broken. Spoiler: sometimes that just isn't possible. 

We also take a listener question about how to handle feelings of jealousy in an open relationship that you realized, after the fact, you wished was a closed relationship. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

This week we talk about Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). This is a long episode-- over three hours-- that is full of as much information that we could cram in. 

We go over the ways to mitigate against STIs by using safer sex practices like condoms, and then take a look into the most commonly transmitted STIs. We discuss the transmission routes, the symptoms, the treatments, and the ways you can mitigate specifically against each one. We discuss studies and reports and offer a lot of resources that you can find in our Show Notes for this episode-- it is highly recommended that you give them a look. You can also use this to skip to sections that interest you or perhaps you are curious about.

Unfortunately we are not able to cover every piece of information available in this episode, but we do recommend using this as a resource for having a discussion with your doctor about your sexual health. We also hope that this can serve as a resource to help correct some of the misinformation that is sometimes shared in Public Education Sexual Education classes. 

We also have a listener question about how to find a mate, especially if it has been some time since you were last in a relationship.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

This week we talk about After Dark Twitter, the whys, the hows, and the what not to dos. 

AD Twitter can be a great place for you to engage yourself -- and others -- in kinks, fetishes, and roleplay and can expand your sexual wheelhouse. That being said, there is a social contract involved when you engage in this type of activity, both as a "producer" and a "consumer". 

We discuss how to interact with people in a way that portrays you in a good light and allows you to embrace the fun, sexy side of the fandom. We also talk about the risks and ways to mitigate your naked body becoming a public attraction.

We also have a listener question about how to move on after the end of a possibly unhealthy relationship. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

This week we go into the past and talk about our lives. What mistakes in life and relationships have we made, and how did we move forward from these negative situations? How have we handled some of the lowest moments of our life and what did we learn from this? 

We also take a question about whether or not you should sacrifice your relationship for employment.

Please note that this episode contains some sensitive material and covers some topics that some listeners might view as being disturbing. Please review our show notes for timestamps in order to prevent any emotional or mental issues that you might experience. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

Hello Everyone!

Online Relationships and Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) have become a staple of the fandom due to our massive presence online. Most furries will, at one point or another, enter into some kind of a relationship that is non-local. 

How do you begin such a relationship, or maintain it once it is underway? What is the difference between an Online Relationship and a Long Distance Relationship? How do you set reasonable expectations for the relationship? What is the best way to keep intimacy regular when you might be continents apart? 

We also answer the question of whether you need a primary partner in order to be polyamorous. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!