I have been far from okay. Been in a lot of therapy since the shows end was forced upon me for little to no reason. Had a long spell of suicide that caused multiple friend interventions, therapy, medication and support from others. Anxiety, PTSD and dealing with a lot of the controlling abuse suffered from what I can only say was a one sided relationship.
I continued doing the show for the fans like you, give a voice and advice to that I never got, to be apart of the fandom. It's taken me this long working with others to even feel comfortable talking in public. I got to watch someone censor me, then demonize me and my wife, tell lies to many mutual friends of why they chose to end the show. All this while they got to take all of the stuff we built together, that all the fans donated. Being left with nothing, even outlets removed from the walls while I was unemployed while this all happened.
All the fans that donated over the years weren't donating just to Paradox, they were donating to FurCast. Then I got nothing, not a mic or even a chair left in my name. An empty room. Told I could connect with others using my phone. I lost not only myself in this, but my connection to the fandom. Watching as comments such as "The Patreon will be restarted under XBN" Seeing someone care so little about the fans and more about themselves yet perfectly crafted manipulation, because it was all about control. I was friends with an Extreme Narrasist and I as the Empath cleaned up all their mistakes, defended them, cared for them.
I think I could take being hurt if it was only me. But the constant weight of all the fans that were hurt by this, being unable to use any of my social media without a fan asking me why. It broke my heart more than anything, that I couldn't speak to anyone, make a broadcast, speak on camera. Once the studio was out of "our" house, I wasn't even told the new address of the studio. Do you have any idea at how much that hurts? 10 years of help building something with thousands from the community only to have a person take all the equipment, lie to me walking out the door then proceed to not allow me to know where they moved the studio to or let me help re-set it up.
There was never even an apology to this day. He never returned to this house to fix the holes left by tearing down all the equipment, the outlets left exposed when taking all the lights. I was left to clean up all the mess, left with nothing, no ability to fight or argue, and it broke me.
My suit hasn't been touched, and it's taken me up until these last two weeks to even be able to enter the attic without breaking down and crying. It has been left empty since the day it all left back on Nov 7th 2020.
I have been far from okay. Been in a lot of therapy since the shows end was forced upon me for little to no reason. Had a long spell of suicide that caused multiple friend interventions, therapy, medication and support from others. Anxiety, PTSD and dealing with a lot of the controlling abuse suffered from what I can only say was a one sided relationship.
I continued doing the show for the fans like you, give a voice and advice to that I never got, to be apart of the fandom. It's taken me this long working with others to even feel comfortable talking in public. I got to watch someone censor me, then demonize me and my wife, tell lies to many mutual friends of why they chose to end the show. All this while they got to take all of the stuff we built together, that all the fans donated. Being left with nothing, even outlets removed from the walls while I was unemployed while this all happened.
All the fans that donated over the years weren't donating just to Paradox, they were donating to FurCast. Then I got nothing, not a mic or even a chair left in my name. An empty room. Told I could connect with others using my phone. I lost not only myself in this, but my connection to the fandom. Watching as comments such as "The Patreon will be restarted under XBN" Seeing someone care so little about the fans and more about themselves yet perfectly crafted manipulation, because it was all about control. I was friends with an Extreme Narrasist and I as the Empath cleaned up all their mistakes, defended them, cared for them.
I think I could take being hurt if it was only me. But the constant weight of all the fans that were hurt by this, being unable to use any of my social media without a fan asking me why. It broke my heart more than anything, that I couldn't speak to anyone, make a broadcast, speak on camera. Once the studio was out of "our" house, I wasn't even told the new address of the studio. Do you have any idea at how much that hurts? 10 years of help building something with thousands from the community only to have a person take all the equipment, lie to me walking out the door then proceed to not allow me to know where they moved the studio to or let me help re-set it up.
There was never even an apology to this day. He never returned to this house to fix the holes left by tearing down all the equipment, the outlets left exposed when taking all the lights. I was left to clean up all the mess, left with nothing, no ability to fight or argue, and it broke me.
My suit hasn't been touched, and it's taken me up until these last two weeks to even be able to enter the attic without breaking down and crying. It has been left empty since the day it all left back on Nov 7th 2020.