Divorce yourself of the need for explanations for their bullshit. Its the minimal first step to getting out and getting yourself mentally back on keel.
When someone's actions do not match their words, they are telling you that their words are lies. Believe the ACTIONS, and stop listening to the lies. That is the only logic necessary, and often the only 'sense' you will get. Ever. And you don't owe ANYONE understanding if they're abusing you, even if you can't actually articulate what they're doing that's abusive. If it feels 'off' or wrong, it is, and abusers bank on you being confused enough not to react, or worse to let them keep doing what they want without you taking action (and leaving *does* count as action).
Just work on getting out of there. You can figure out what you want or need to believe later, when you have some space and you're no longer having to deal with the person. Especially someone who makes you hate something positive, like compassion! :(
Divorce yourself of the need for explanations for their bullshit. Its the minimal first step to getting out and getting yourself mentally back on keel.
When someone's actions do not match their words, they are telling you that their words are lies. Believe the ACTIONS, and stop listening to the lies. That is the only logic necessary, and often the only 'sense' you will get. Ever. And you don't owe ANYONE understanding if they're abusing you, even if you can't actually articulate what they're doing that's abusive. If it feels 'off' or wrong, it is, and abusers bank on you being confused enough not to react, or worse to let them keep doing what they want without you taking action (and leaving *does* count as action).
Just work on getting out of there. You can figure out what you want or need to believe later, when you have some space and you're no longer having to deal with the person. Especially someone who makes you hate something positive, like compassion! :(