Never having been in a full-on BDSM "lifestyle" relationship, merely having dabbled in it with online partners (and with even less IRL experience in that area) I know I probably can't have a complete view of the subject. But just reading that F-List description, I feel like I already know this guy. Because I've known people like him. And I've always felt like they completely miss the point of BDSM. Because that's not what it's about, not entirely at least. And call it a prejudice, because maybe it is, but I've always been especially suspicious of the ones who, like Viro here, are dismissive of those for whom "whips and chains" mainly are the point, especially when it's coupled with this aristocratic pretension that one has the right to demand such crass conformity of their "subject".
"Be exactly like this, or don't bother". Seriously, fuck ANYONE who thinks that way. It's like you want the other guy to be the only one giving up part of themselves, playing the role for you, and taking the risks that make BDSM scary and taboo in the first place. How many times has it been said that if anything, it's really the sub in control and having the most fun? There has to be at least some truth to it when the relationship isn't toxic because I've found myself feeling a bit guilty that I'm not giving more to my partner. And by giving more, I mean playing a kind of role they'd like, or trying to see if I can play a more sado-dominant type for them when they're into that.
The whole reason I've always been skeptical about the BDSM lifestyle and other alternative lifestyles is because for many, they seem to be about blurring very solid, well-established and easily justifiable lines; rationalizing a sick and dangerous need for very mundane reasons, instead of playing a freak of one kind or another out of a healthy fascination with things that are mysterious to us. We often have, at most, educated guesses as to the source of our kinks and the true nature of the scenes we explore. But then again, Viro's profile seems to suggest a guy who thinks he knows it all. I'm sure he could "mentor" me and "teach" me who I really am, but unfortunately, it's a lot of whips and chains what I'm into and that bores the fuck out of him.
Never having been in a full-on BDSM "lifestyle" relationship, merely having dabbled in it with online partners (and with even less IRL experience in that area) I know I probably can't have a complete view of the subject. But just reading that F-List description, I feel like I already know this guy. Because I've known people like him. And I've always felt like they completely miss the point of BDSM. Because that's not what it's about, not entirely at least. And call it a prejudice, because maybe it is, but I've always been especially suspicious of the ones who, like Viro here, are dismissive of those for whom "whips and chains" mainly are the point, especially when it's coupled with this aristocratic pretension that one has the right to demand such crass conformity of their "subject".
"Be exactly like this, or don't bother". Seriously, fuck ANYONE who thinks that way. It's like you want the other guy to be the only one giving up part of themselves, playing the role for you, and taking the risks that make BDSM scary and taboo in the first place. How many times has it been said that if anything, it's really the sub in control and having the most fun? There has to be at least some truth to it when the relationship isn't toxic because I've found myself feeling a bit guilty that I'm not giving more to my partner. And by giving more, I mean playing a kind of role they'd like, or trying to see if I can play a more sado-dominant type for them when they're into that.
The whole reason I've always been skeptical about the BDSM lifestyle and other alternative lifestyles is because for many, they seem to be about blurring very solid, well-established and easily justifiable lines; rationalizing a sick and dangerous need for very mundane reasons, instead of playing a freak of one kind or another out of a healthy fascination with things that are mysterious to us. We often have, at most, educated guesses as to the source of our kinks and the true nature of the scenes we explore. But then again, Viro's profile seems to suggest a guy who thinks he knows it all. I'm sure he could "mentor" me and "teach" me who I really am, but unfortunately, it's a lot of whips and chains what I'm into and that bores the fuck out of him.