An Imaginary Story: "If GreenReaper ran the FBI like he runs WikiFur"
(It is a busy afternoon at FBI headquarters.)
Mr GreenReaper, sir? There are two calls for you, they both say it's urgent.
Put them through to my speakerphone channel... Alright, this is GreenReaper speaking, what is it you want?
Hello there, Mr GreenReaper. This is Army veteran L[REDACTED] A[REDACTED] and I --
The FBI knows perfectly well who you are, Mister, and you're no veteran of this country's armed forces! You're a fraudster and con artist with a record of repeated embezzlement going back years. The nerve of you to call me! Now, what about you on line #2?
Praise the Lord! My name's C[REDACTED] C[REDACTED] and I just want to say --
Enough of that, miscreant! I'm familiar with your file and it makes clear you're a recidivist hatemonger and domestic extremist whose inflammatory, eliminationist rhetoric would be outright illegal in various European countries!
Well, Mr GreenReaper, that's just it. We're calling you to --
Yes, we'd both like to ask you something about our files and criminal records you're in possession of.
And what is that exactly? Make it quick you two, and be grateful I don't charge you with wasting police time. I'm a very busy man who has no patience with your nonsense!
We were wondering, could you delete the contents of our files for us?
You want me to what?! You're even crazier than our psychological profiler said you were!
But Mr GreenReaper, we wouldn't want anybody reading our files to unfairly get any wrong ideas about us. They don't have to mention that I've advocated mass extermination of homosexuals, really now, do they?
Yes, and what about me? I mean, it's not like I spend my every single waking moment making fallacious appeals designed to trick the gullible out of their money, is it? Don't let anyone tell you different.
Yes, really, it's not like you need to put this information, even if it is all verifiably true, out there in the public domain, is it? Think about it from our perspective, Mr. GreenReaper!
(GreenReaper thinks for a minute or two...)
Well, you two, that sounds fine with me! As far as the information provided by this agency goes, you're both blameless blank slates!
THE END (of any semblance of sense, consistency or decency)
An Imaginary Story: "If GreenReaper ran the FBI like he runs WikiFur"
(It is a busy afternoon at FBI headquarters.)
Mr GreenReaper, sir? There are two calls for you, they both say it's urgent.
Put them through to my speakerphone channel... Alright, this is GreenReaper speaking, what is it you want?
Hello there, Mr GreenReaper. This is Army veteran L[REDACTED] A[REDACTED] and I --
The FBI knows perfectly well who you are, Mister, and you're no veteran of this country's armed forces! You're a fraudster and con artist with a record of repeated embezzlement going back years. The nerve of you to call me! Now, what about you on line #2?
Praise the Lord! My name's C[REDACTED] C[REDACTED] and I just want to say --
Enough of that, miscreant! I'm familiar with your file and it makes clear you're a recidivist hatemonger and domestic extremist whose inflammatory, eliminationist rhetoric would be outright illegal in various European countries!
Well, Mr GreenReaper, that's just it. We're calling you to --
Yes, we'd both like to ask you something about our files and criminal records you're in possession of.
And what is that exactly? Make it quick you two, and be grateful I don't charge you with wasting police time. I'm a very busy man who has no patience with your nonsense!
We were wondering, could you delete the contents of our files for us?
You want me to what?! You're even crazier than our psychological profiler said you were!
But Mr GreenReaper, we wouldn't want anybody reading our files to unfairly get any wrong ideas about us. They don't have to mention that I've advocated mass extermination of homosexuals, really now, do they?
Yes, and what about me? I mean, it's not like I spend my every single waking moment making fallacious appeals designed to trick the gullible out of their money, is it? Don't let anyone tell you different.
Yes, really, it's not like you need to put this information, even if it is all verifiably true, out there in the public domain, is it? Think about it from our perspective, Mr. GreenReaper!
(GreenReaper thinks for a minute or two...)
Well, you two, that sounds fine with me! As far as the information provided by this agency goes, you're both blameless blank slates!
THE END (of any semblance of sense, consistency or decency)