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EXTRA BONUS POINTS NON-FURRY CONTENT COMMENT: CROSSIE BRIEFLY REVIEWS LAST YEAR'S BEST PICTURE NOMINEES

Well, since The Artist finally was rentable last Tuesday (The Weinstein Company really milked that win for as much box office as possible, which still wasn't much), I have finally seen all nine nominees for Best Picture from last year.

In general, totally disappointing after the year before's ten; I genuinely liked three a lot (The King's Speech, Toy Story 3 and True Grit), and enjoyed watching the rest, and only disliked two (one, admittedly, because it wasn't exactly trying to be likable). I only genuinely liked two this year and disliked none, which would seem to be an improvement with less disliking, but actually isn't, because at least The Kids Are Alright and The Social Network made me feel something. In alphabetical order:

The Artist
The winner, in case you missed it, and a very odd winner at that. It really is not Oscar bait; in its own way, it is an "out there" choice for the Academy as The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King or Silence of the Lambs. In case you are unaware it is completely black and white and "mostly" silent (there is a dream sequence with sound effects and laughter, and the final scene features spoken dialogue), so in this way it is "silent" the way Schindler's List was "black and white." Silent movies have rarely done well at the Oscars, even when silent movies were normal; The Patriot was the last silent movie to be nominated for Best Picture at the second ever presentation (it also has the dubious distinction of being the only "lost" Best Picture nominee). The only other silent Best Picture was the very first, Wings. It is also a rare comedy Best Picture, as well being the first Best Picture mainly about movies themselves.

Okay, enough "look, momma, I doned my research!" trivia. The Artist as a movie is, well, it still feels like a gimmick. A gimmick designed to drive viewers away, at that. I don't mind watching silent movies, but, uh, what was the point? It was kind of funny (I liked the use of sign language at the beginning), it was actually kind of furry (if you can take silence and black and white, watch it for Uggie the dog) and Jean Dujardin was pretty good as the silent movie actor who cannot transition into talkies. Worth watching. Not worth rewatching.

The Descendants
For some reason, this was the movie I wanted to hate early on. I don't remember why now. An early favorite, and George Clooney was an early favorite to win Best Actor. For some reason, people say this is a comedy, but they said that about The Kids Are Alright, too. Maybe that's why I wanted to hate it.

I guess I respect this movie, but will never be my cup of tea. Also, a big clue that I didn't really go for this movie was that I was distracted by major roles being played by that guy who is in every VH1 countdown making random observations despite not actually being an expert on the subject, just a comedian, and the guy who played Shaggy in the live action Scooby Doo movie and was also the killer from Scream. Whoops, spoiler alert.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Fuck this movie. Yes, it actually had some gut-wrenching scenes, but that's because anything involving 9/11 and little autistic kids should be to any one over the age of ten. And yes, Max von Sydow (in an ironically silent role) was actually pretty amazing. But, seriously, this movie made it over something, you know, interesting? See, that's my main complaint. I say fuck this movie, but I can't even bring myself to hate it. Its just boring as well as bad.

Since the movie itself is so boringly, blandly bad, instead of boring you about it more, I'll talk about von Sydow, who would have been the oldest actor to win Best Supporting Actor if he had won. Instead, Christopher Plummer became the the oldest actor to win Best Supporting Actor (and he mentioned in his speech that he was only two years younger than the Oscars themselves). The cool thing is that they both lent their voices last yearto The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim as basically the opposite numbers of conflicting joinable guilds in the main questline.

The Help
During my day job, I work with people who don't usually watch movies about black ladies and their struggles for equality, but apparently one of my co-workers saw this movie, and really enjoyed the bit about the secret ingredient in Best Supporting Actress Octavia Spencer's chocolate pie. So, there is that.

Another movie I respect but don't really care about. Just kind of bland. But, apparently, has its fans.

Hugo
A kid's fantasy movie that, in a shocking genre twist, turns into Oscar bait about halfway through. Okay, I actually kind of like this one, but it was a bit long, and the beginning had no bearing on the ending. It was pretty decent Oscar bait, actually, but a pretty crappy kid's fantasy movie.

It has been pointed out that it and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close feature incredibly similar plot points, and that it also is a movie about a silent movie maker (who is French, like Dean Dujardin) rediscovering his love of movies, and also features Paris, like another movie we'll be getting to.

Midnight in Paris
I really ended up liking this movie; it's a pretty funny, pretty good little light fantasy time travel comedy, with a nice little lesson to boot. I used "little" and "pretty" twice in that sentence, as well as the word "nice," which makes me sound sarcastic probably, but that's kind of the way you describe Woody Allen movies; it sounds sarcastic, but I'm being serious. Basically, it's The Green Fairy without gay furries, and I'm sure that's only a coincidence.

In an unrelated note, the path this movie took to the Best Picture race seems to be the exact same path Wes Anderson's Moonrise Kingdom may be on. Anderson is kind of the modern Woody Allen. I hope the movies follow a similar path, because I liked Anderson before he made movies about talking foxes. He directed Fantastic Mr. Fox, see.

Moneyball
Yet another "respect, but still don't really care" movie, this time about sports. So, that's about all the time I've got for it.

The Tree of Life
Um, I'll admit, this movie is so beyond me, I don't even know where to begin. However, it did feature random appearances by dinosaurs, which is something I can totally embrace, so there is that.

Also, it sure was pretty as all get out.

War Horse
The only Best Picture nominee to make my top ten list, and I recently rewatched it. Still a good movie about a horse, which is a high recommendation on a furry site. It definitely has its moments.

Definitely would have been my vote.

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